Everything is all together good or all together bad, right?  What is a middle ground anyways?  There is no grey when the world is either absent of color or consuming all the color.  It is or it is not.  All things are right or wrong.  Black or white, amirite?!  Throwing oneself on either side of the passion spectrum is quite consuming.  In an attempt to personify the destruction of extreme thought cycles that become perfectionist behavior I will speak through my experience.  In addition the glory that is Psych-K’s ability to disarm such self-sabotage. 

Living on the edge

Did you know that the biology of the brain has an antiquated system that acts without our deliberate delegation?  Interestingly enough this regulation is determined by one of the smallest parts of our brain, the amygdala.  Neuroscience is a hot topic these days and thanks to social media and blogging forums I am speaking to an educated public.  Thus with brevity in mind I will narrow in on the demonstrative purpose of the amygdala per this post.  The amygdala is activated when we are presented with emotional, psychological, or physical danger.  It generally tells us to run or bare knuckle it immediately.  Imagine living with kind of neurological hijacking in day-to-day tasks, furthermore in personal relationships.

Theoretically when we experience trauma in our lives (particularly at a young age) and couple that with a biological predisposition for being high-strung the amygdala is on red alert a good portion of the time.  This neurological mechanism of fight-or-flight in hyper-drive over time can potentially prime an individual for emotional or psychological burnout.  The thought is analogous to the evidence of an addict’s physical and psychological highs and lows. 

Not to go too far into detail, but as a child I experienced trauma that would trigger this neurological reaction that would haunt me to adulthood.  I sought counseling both secular and Christian and reached out as a volunteer for those who had experienced similar tragedy and was righteously convinced that I had dealt with the issue.  All the while my rocky intimate relationships were demonstrative of a beautiful, untamable free-spirit rather than that of the psychologically injured.  It wasn’t until an all-time life low that I realized how influential this deeply-rooted flight-or-flight response was on my life.  Cue the antithesis of my intentions as a wife…cue my divorce. 

A dear, close friend and sister of mine who had experienced recent tumult herself introduced me to a secular (and progressive) form of therapy.  A skeptic to the core and foundationally against my religion I went not knowing that my entire life was about to change.  I was thoroughly released from all the garbage that that one fateful day as a child my amygdala went (and stayed) in over-drive.  AN ANSWER?!?!  An answer to years of fear of emotional, psychological, and/or physical threat…gone, in an instant.  It all fell off of me like a ragged garment I had never intended to put on.   

Hence the reason I am a facilitator of Psych-K and the most serendipitous and ironic element that ties in so perfectly to the analogy of extremes is that the techniques that are used to remedy me and others are called “a balance”.  A BALANCE?!  Of course a balance; this is exactly what my passionate extremist behavior needed.  Although, reconciling my religious beliefs is left for another blog.  The point is that, yes by nature I am a free-spirit and a liberal thinker, but my trauma produced a fear biology that had a decadent way of masquerading around as passion.  Dissonance and disagreement in intimate relationships are a sign of opportunity for growth, but tumult bred from fear is less than healthy. 

My hope in candidly sharing my personal experience is that we can have it all.  You can be a free-spirit and have healthy interpersonal relationships.  You can live a passionate life and not be the lead in One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest.  Live passion in a healthy fashion!  Until Next time…

Light, Love, and Blessings,

Haley Hallock

Relationships are our most prized resource in life. 
Treat them with divine care; as your footprint on 
someone's life will transcend through generations. -H.L.H.               

Negative thought cycles are not always indicative of a pessimistic person or a mental health issue.  Surprisingly in most cases all human behavior is ubiquitous among humanity!  Crazy, right?  In this I hope to acknowledge that we have common behavioral and cognitive bonds that stay hidden in our closet of skeletons as to not alert the friends, family, and community of potentially alarming thoughts or behavior. Let ‘em out!  You are not the only one walking around thinking the thoughts, having the hard time, and mentally beating yourself up!  Stop shoving dirty tissues in your pocket or purse for later use.  EWW!  Truth is we all have negative thought cycles and garbage we've picked up along the bumpy road of life that cause us to use mental filters to interpret and to communicate situations and emotions.

What we should do is discuss these thought processes!  In this case the isolation factor diminishes and in the light we can see!  Often time in the more severe cases of depression and anxiety communication is a literal life saver. If you are not the only one feeling the overwhelming feelings, thinking the dark thoughts then why hide them?  And although this post is light-hearted and self-help-y never bypass thoughts of suicide personally or reported by loved ones; in this case seek professional help immediately.  Now back to ebullient interpersonal nature of this post!  Ready to free your mind?!  

During my bachelor’s education I realized how flawed and ineffective my perfectionism was as I learned more from failure than perfection.  I eventually changed my personal mantra from “never try, never fail” to “you have to lose, to learn”.  Aaron Beck founded cognitive distortion theory as Dr. David Burn expounded upon this such that individuals were able to understand self-sabotaging thoughts.  I found these self-defeating cognitive processes to be eerily familiar and through that awareness have shifted my thinking.  However, like anyone from time to time, I falter.  My hope is to spread the awareness love such that other’s reading this can let themselves off their own cognitive hook.  Just keep swimming!  While there are several cognitive distortions I will touch on the few I found most poignant in my life and provide references for those of you reference geeks to get all the goods!

Cognitive Distortions: Change Your Mind

Overgeneralization- Mental or actual usages of words like “always” and “never”; truth is human behavior in and of itself is more random.  Eliminating these words from your thought cycles and from your accusations of others behaviors will alleviate you and your relationships from untruths.

Black and White Thinking-  All or nothing, right?  This thought cycle tells a person that anything short of perfection is entirely wrong.  As extreme as that sounds question yourself as to how many times you've shown yourself compassion when you've fallen short of your goal?  ROYGBIV your thought cycles, friends.   

Mental Filter-  When something goes wrong all events are colored with that perspective including positive events.  My professor provided the analogous visual reference to a drop of ink in a glass of water.  Once the water is murky and contaminated by the ink peering through that darkness stains our perspective.  If we allow one bad apple (or thought) to reside in our orchard we will lose the entire orchard.  Rid your mental orchard of rotting thoughts (or fruit).

Magnification- Enter stage left!  It is PERFORMANCE time!  Drama. Drama. Drama.  This thought cycle exaggerates the importance of problems and highlights personal inadequacies.  “Today IS the darkest day, your boss IS brooding and sarcastic, and your deadline was YESTERDAY!”  Stage right: cue self-sabotage thought cycle by now magnifying all you are not and everything you have EVER failed at!  I choose to think of these cognitive processes as dark hyperbole.  Remind your thoughts they aren’t very good actors and to keep their day job.    

Emotional Reasoning-  Saving the best for last, Vanessa Williams style.  I am a “feeler” I use my senses like antennas to maneuver through this existence.  In fact, I use the vernacular as if thinking is a synonym for feeling.  “I don’t feel like algebraic equations make sense though”.  What?!  Who cares how you FEEL about it, Haley!  It’s math, there’s only one right answer!  Emotions are fickle, they are fleeting and they are NOT indicative of the way things actually are.  This thought cycle tints reality through the medium of emotion.  Thoughts like, “I feel insecure so clearly everyone hates me and must be trying to ruin my life”.  The spectrum of emotions is broad thus it can provide very creative forms of emotional reasoning.  So be aware of whether you’re being emotional or rational.

The above are just a few cognitive distortions to be aware of while maintaining mental well-being.  I have found that if you are aware of your thought cycles you can counteract the bad and re-condition yourself for the better.  I believe wholly that our thoughts become our mantras, our biology, our health and well-being during our existence here.  Why not make the best of it? 

Light, Love, and Blessings-

Haley Hallock


Relationships are our most prized resource in life. 
Treat them with divine care; as your footprint on 
someone's life will transcend through generations. -H.L.H.

Resolutions to Actualizations: The Power of True Change

The beginning of the year is markedly founded upon the psychological stimulus of change.  The connectedness among society to turn over a new leaf and begin to live the goals of change we hesitate to do “until the right time” seems an ever-present concept.  Society is resolution-minded nearly every January of every year!  Something excitedly stirs within us that this year is going to be different concerning our goals for change!  We’re going to lose those pounds!  We’re going to start that education!  We’re going to finish that certification!  WE’RE GOING TO RULE THE WORLD!

So what happens?  While some of us hold tight to our resolutions and create change for ourselves; often times within a few months the goals fall victim to the monotony of daily tasks.  Does this mean these goals of change are less important to us?  Does this mean we value monotony rather than fearless change?  Are we fearful of what affects the tipping of the Libra scale will have when change actually occurs?  I tend to believe the better portion of human nature has veracious intent and while all of the above mentioned could be considered, I think the root of the issue is less Freudian.  We don’t need an extensive psychological eval in order to manifest quick, lasting change! We simply need the right tools to succeed in actual change! 

By way of facilitating PSYCH-K and being fundamentally floored at the immediate change it provides through shifting of a negative belief system to a positive through aligning both hemispheres of the brain I have found that great change is not so far from our hands.  A couple tips I've found effective through PSYCH-K techniques are listed below in the hopes that personal evolution becomes collective societally.   

Keep it REAL, REAL PERSONAL

Any resolution that lacks personal depth is dichotomous to potential fruition.  If your resolutions are not a personal conviction, even given they are other-centered, they are not your goals.  Thus manifestation is difficult.  For example, your family may desire you stop smoking, but you don’t.  Goals like these are self-defeating and a waste of time.  Additionally with the mind of realness, how big are your goals?  You desire to be an academy award-winning actress? GREAT!  Start small.  Start by refining yourself personally via pragmatic steps.  Focus on an acting class as a first step toward your award-winning career.

KEY COMPONENTS

Visual

When refining belief systems for actualization in PSYCH-K one focuses on the sensory system through visualization, auditory validation, and kinesthetic techniques to obtain goals or resolutions.  If you can see it, you can be it!  Allowing yourself to see beyond the current situation is a huge asset in obtaining goals.  For example:

1.)    Make a vision board that is personal and specific to you and your goal.

2.)    Write three specific visualizations of what your life will look like when you obtain your goal.

Auditory

Remember your words have power!  Ancient Egyptians held sacred the power of speech and moreover inscription.  Sarcophagus’s inscribed with holy sacraments of protection in life and afterlife were protocol for Ancient Egyptians.  Modern-day Evangelicals warn against the tongue as it can be used as a protector or a weapon against oneself or others.  If you choose change also choose to speak conducive to that change.  Let not your own tongue be the stumbling block to your success.  For example:

1.)    Allow negative thoughts to provide prompts for positivism.  Speak a new truth to yourself in times when your previous self-defeating thought cycle takes hold.  It is normal for doubt to oppose change, but you control your thought cycles which manifests a goal.

2.)    Spend time repeating a mantra of your new goal with your eyes closed in a quiet environment.   

Kinesthetic

We are creatures of sensation.  We love to feel good both emotionally and physiologically.  Why else does a child spin and spin in circles simply to fall down?  Sensation is a fascinating asset that motivates human behavior.  If you don’t allow yourself to feel the success, the pride, the peace you will feel when your goal manifests prior to the manifestation you skip a step toward actualization. For example:

1.)    Take the above two steps and manifest the feeling you will have when you finally achieve your goal.  Ruminate on that manifestation.  Soak in it.  Let the feeling boil to the surface of your skin until you cannot escape the sensation.

2.)    Use your sensory system to do the above mentioned work.  Close your eyes, take 5 minutes and touch, taste, smell, hear, and see in your mind’s eye what the sensation of the new goal is for you.

Allow yourself to succeed.  All of your answers are within you.  You truly can have ALL the change and ALL the light you desire as a manifestation concerning your goals.  I am of the mind that we were made to heal our minds and bodies.  That we truly have all our very own answers, we just need proper tools and a guide to blossom beyond the damage we inevitably derive via bumps along the road of life.   Wishing all doors are opened up to each and every one of you who uses your tools and who takes the time to allow yourself to evolve beyond the temporary.

Light, Love, and Blessings,

Haley Hallock